It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
