sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
