I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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