I think i peed on brittanys purse
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
