I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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