There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
