just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
