have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
