Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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