He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i drank out of a bidet.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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