I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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