I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
