I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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