I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
