Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
