Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
is this the sara with the beer cane?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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