Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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