I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
