you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
