Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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