Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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