she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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