So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
