I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
