I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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