I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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