I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
