Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
