If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That's intense
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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