um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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