Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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