i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
