im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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