arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
