his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
