you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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