In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize