so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
