He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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