Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
