hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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