I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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