Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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