just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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