I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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