btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
