Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
