is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
