i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
