i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
