Someone shit on the floor
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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