You made me cry and you don't even care
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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