I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
