dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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