chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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