The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
