Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
