Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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