Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
